It wasn’t about sleep. It was about self-trust.
TL;DR:
Rest wasn’t something I needed to earn — it was something I had to learn how to allow.
This is how I came back to it, gently.
There was a time when rest meant sleep.
Or stopping. Or pausing. Or doing nothing.
And I was terrible at all of it.
Not because I didn’t value it — but because I didn’t trust it.
I used to treat rest like a reward for finishing everything.
Like something I had to earn.
And when the list never ended (which it never did), rest became this thing I was always deferring — until the crash.
The pattern was familiar:
Push. Perform. Tense. Overthink.
And then wonder why my sleep was broken, or why I was spiralling at 2:00 a.m.
I thought I had a sleep issue.
But really, I had a permission issue.
What It Looked Like In Real Life
Rest was the first thing to disappear when work got intense.
I’d stay up late “catching up” and then lie awake with a racing mind.
Evenings became extensions of the workday — more screen time, more worry, more noise.
There was a time I thought lighting a candle might help me relax — it didn’t.
It just made me more anxious: What if I fall asleep while it’s still burning?
Instead of calm, I felt distracted and tense.
That’s when I realised: anything that relies on perfect conditions isn’t rest. It’s pressure in disguise.
What Helped Me Shift
Rest didn’t change overnight. It took noticing.
Small signals that I’d learned to override — the snappishness, the task switching, the bone-deep fatigue that coffee couldn’t fix.
What changed wasn’t my calendar. It was my approach.
I stopped trying to “fix” my rest.
I started experimenting — gently.
A warm drink.
Soft music.
A wind-down routine that wasn’t perfect, but was mine.
Three minutes to pause before sleep — to say “this day is done” instead of rehashing it.
The Tools That Help
Supplements, sprays, blankets, I have a long shopping list of aids I’ve brought along the way, some of which I’ve even brought again.
However my most successful tool isn’t a product.
It was the mindset that rest isn’t earned. It’s allowed.
Now, when I feel myself sliding back into old patterns — I don’t brace harder.
I pause sooner.
Because rest isn’t just about sleep.
It’s how I speak to myself at the end of the day.
It’s how I build a life that includes softness — not just survival.
Your Gentle Next Step
If you’re feeling the tension — but not the rest — try starting with one thing:
A breath.
A wind-down signal.
Or just a moment to tell yourself: “You’re allowed to stop.”
Curious what’s underneath the restlessness?
The Self-Discovery Tool is a free printable worksheet to help you name what’s shifting — and why it matters.
📄 Download the Self-Discovery Tool
Rest isn’t the end of productivity.
It’s the beginning of clarity.
What This Series Is For
This is part of a personal blog series called “Here’s How I Do It” — where I open up about what each pillar really looks like in my life.
Not just the polished version. The honest one. The one with pauses, patterns, and quiet resets.
What’s Coming Next
In the next post, I’ll share how I built a rhythm that helped me feel more stable — even in seasons of change.
📅 Next up: How I Rebuilt Routine (When Everything Felt Shaky)
📸 Follow along on Instagram and Facebook
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